Him

Yay, I found him. You know, the him. The one I have been waiting for. Unfortunatley, I face some difficulties with ever talking to him again. We met at a little pool-party thingy (a family pool party, I should add) and I dunno, I just left and started falling madly in crush as soon as I started to drive away. Why didn't I ask him for his MSN? I mean we were on the subject, I could have casually just asked or given mine. Aw, shucks. I can't throw a BBQ party to invite him. I now face an eternity of minor depression and forbidden love until I meet the new kid next school year- that is if the new kid is a he with a charming personality. Oh, well. I bid a melancholic farewell. Sarah

Ha!

Ok, so this fight that Emma and I have got ourselves in has deeper roots than I suspected. I always thought she'd be my BBF but apparently for the last couple months, she has been trying to find a way out. Her plan was to drift, but oh well, it's better to pull the bandaid off fast and painfully than drag out the agony. She thinks that I've started all of these rumors and lies which is why my title for this post is 'ha!' because I wouldn't do that. If I wanted to be her friend sometime in the future, I wouldn't purposly ruin the chances. She's playing both sides here, she thinks I've done all the things I haven't and then lashes back at them and I'm just stuck saying, 'ok, uh...'. For example, apparently I've gone on a swearing and name calling spree, which I haven't and my date doctor (who probably wishes to reamain annonymous since I just called him that) had to comfort her. And Apparently I told Nick she didn't wanna be his friend anymore when really he just wanted to know why they don't talk much anymore and she jumped to conlclusions. She thinks 'we' decided to have a 'break', she did all the talking and I was left saying 'wait a minute'. I'm trying to not stoop any lower here, but that obviously isn't what she wants because she only listens to rumors about me starting rumors. And she said I couldn't take this well...this is hereby the last entry I will willingly write on the subject. I went to La Ronde. I got sunburn and school ends in 4 days- yay. Ttyl.

Hi. Well, usually, little fights end in 1-3 days. It has been a week and how much since the last entry? I'm guessing that this little 'spat' has no intentions of ending anytime soons which sucks because if it lasts until summer it'll only be intensified. That means no bff at my birthday, no fun trips to the beach, and a potentially awkward feild trip due to the fact that we might be rooming together? I just don't get it. I can't see why someone would just want to believe excuses when they're not even true. Why someone would make them up. I mean, I have alot of friends who are there for me, but most of them are guys, and I just can't talk to them like I can with a girl friend. What I also don't get it how can you "pity" someone and show empathy, yet "shun" them at the same time? What I also don't get is how so many people think I have "a worthless life"- I don't quite know how that works or what makes it worthless but it does. And obviously, according to a little birdie, a life of gossip and cliques is (worthful, I mean). That same little birdie however has been no help lately, his recent questions include "so, how hard is it for you making the transition form popular with popular friends to being unpopular?" and "by leaving you, your friend has literally blown in for you, hasn't she? she's blown everything for you?" those little balls of delightment didn't necessairily put me in a great mood. I will be popular (not that popularity matters) and I will learn how to look casual and dance at the SAME time at the school dances (long story, to summarize it, I just can't dance) tata tata tata! Sarah

Bite it, bite it hard

Biting my tongue is something I have tried to do. But when you say nothing, your friend is bound to say things for you. I wasn't saying anything all class to avoid conflict because let's just say my best friend and I argue over a certain thing really easily. But, my friend went on and it looked like my bff and other friend were about to kill him, in fact, Jess' words were "*****, you just don't know when to shut up, do you?" so I decided to talk to him in the corner and told him, "*****, no matter how stupid their decisions may seem to you, bite your tongue and if yuo have any anti-vegetarian comments just tell me." unfotrunately my friend didn't think I was trying to shut up. ***** didn't listen very well because 10 minutes before the end it looked like my gal friends were ready to bite his head off. Great. That was all I was thinking. Oh, great now I'll have to pick sides. So I wrote shut up to ***** once on the paper to well, shut him up. But he didn't listen and then it was actually a fight or so I thought. I was pretty cranky and all and I wasn't happy that they were fighting so I started writing "screw you" on a piece of paper, I donno why, I just wasn't writing it at anyone in particular. Then my friend started rubbing it in Emma's face so she thought it was a pleasant little greeting card from moi. Apparently it was all a joke, so of course I was not happy, I could've easily avoided that stress so I 'haha'ed and left to get math help. When I came back I still shut up to avoid saying anything that would make a jerk outta me. Now though, I've apparently talked behind my best friend's back, I ruubed my note in her face and then I left and when I came back I pretended nothing happened. Sheesh. I also told her I hated her hair, which I didn't actually, I was only trying to tell her that it looked fine no matter what she did with it and if it was too much of a hassle, then just let it go normal. Oh well, I'm not saying she's lying, I know that that is what she believes, she just is believing the wrong thing and in order to get her facts straight she needs to believe me.

procrastination 64, all repeats and hesitation...

hey, well, along with most people in Canada, i don't have an anxiety disorder but the feeling of impending doom is in the air. it's called procrastination. i happen to be a loyal procrastinator and am now up at 10 working on my projects. i would like to be asleep right now- really badly actually. so much work! i know you're saying 'smell the roses'! but unfortuneatly for me, my roses are in the living room not in my i'll-just-call-it-cluttered bedroom. i'd love to chit chat but maybe i'll do that later..(hehe, little procrastination joke thrown in there) ha, i'm so funny....

ps: check out my friend's blog: emmabear.digitalsemiosphere.org

Hi,
To introduce myself: Call me Sarah, I've been taking singing lessons for 2 years and this is my 4th for guitar. I'm due to be famous any minute because I write songs and intend on being so (famous, I mean). My favourite bands are: Evanescence, Korn, System of a Down, Flyleaf, Ot3p, Marilyn Manson, Rammstein, Dido (I know she doesn't really fit in with the rest of them but hey, I can recognize talent) Blue October (Please give them a try and DON"T listen to Hate Me, try some new songs), Seether, Trivium, JEFFERSON AIRPLAINE and the occasional Boy Sets Fire and Deftones. I'm going to audition for an arts school next February so me and my best friend, Emma, can start our musical careers. I do get the occasional teenage angst and mood-swings. I'm pretty stable; I've been leader of the Pessimists' Club for about a year now. So just take a few minutes every few days to see what's new in the life of yours tuly, moi! ta ta for now!